The Secret To A Happy Marriage
People are curious how my I've stayed married so long. They want to know what the ingredients are to a happy marriage.
This past Valentine's Day, I celebrated with my fabulous husband for the 38th time. I met him in January, and we had a date for V-day. I remember I drank too much wine and was relieved to be with someone on the lover's holiday for the first time in my short life. I might have just begun to realize I loved him.
I get that I'm lucky to have found such an incredible partner and it's rare in today's world to enjoy such a sustaining, lengthy marriage. And also, I know our souls chose one another to create this interesting and rich life -- together.
And aside from the tiny bit of luck, marriage takes something from each of us to keep it together. I see our long union as a series of recommitments, as we have navigated rough spots and celebrations.
Michael McCrorey is the love of my life, and I'm not sure I knew this when I walked down the aisle with him.
You see, love can grow in unexpected places. We were so young when we met and married a few years later. We literally grew up together from the age of 18. We may have grown further away from one another during some of the years of our marriage; a continuous ebb and flow. Building careers and raising children will create opportunities for disagreements and disconnection. And yet, here we are, more in love with each other than ever before.
Today, I am grateful we stuck to our forever commitment. I'm thrilled to be able to celebrate our first grandchild -- side by side -- without arranging separate visits. No matter what I can count on my husband's continuous support during all my frequent shenanigans.
He would walk through fire for me, and me -- him.
The secret? There really is no secret but I do think we did a some things right.
1. We don't give up on eachother.
2. We talk. It took years to figure out how, because his way and my way are different.
3. We compromise. I do things I'm not thrilled to do, and I'm sure it's the same for him.
4. We spend precious time together. This is easier now than when our children were in the home, for sure. We enjoy each other's company and have at least one date night each week.
5. We are equally committed to a peaceful existence. I used to poke the bear, needing immediate resolution to a disagreement. Now I know the best play is to give him space, and I think he takes less space than he'd prefer in order to meet me half-way.
6. We take long road trips, and find the experience of traveling together gives us space for dreaming together. These times are priceless to me.
A successful marriage takes two people who are aware, curious, and committed. None of this happens by accident, and only with intention.
What is your experience? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below.