Hero Worship is Gross
I know that's a provocative statement. It took me years to get here and to see this.
I've worshipped many heroes over the years. There was my grandma and grandpa who seemed like the epitome of love and safety when I was growing up. There was my high school english teacher named Mrs. Barr, who was hip and supercool. Then there was my boss in my first REAL job. He believed in me well before I believed in myself. These people loved me and my admiration was well placed.
And once I entered the world of personal development 10 years ago, it was easy to find people ahead of me in the journey of inner work, for whom I could bow to my knees and worship. I had an unbalanced admiration for people that seemed to have something I didn't. It was like an unhealthy addiction to a belief that I was not enough on my own.
Now I see how misguided my intentions were. I couldn't see it then -- and I always know that I see things only when I'm ready to see them.
I know that what I admire in someone else is always somehow already in me.
I gladly paid thousands of dollars and spent countless hours hoping that there would be a magic button that someone else could push to make me come alive and see what I needed to see. It was an illusion. It was tuition -- checks written so that I could fully arrive here -- in this accepting, forgiving place.
Please understand that I gained something from this illusion -- it helped me see how I want to be with people. I don't ever want to be in an elevated position of 'expert' again. I used to want that, and those clothes no longer fit.
I want to be with you, in the trenches, side by side, loving you and accepting that you are in YOUR perfect place. I want to empathize with you. I want to hold your amazing and bright spirit in my heart and help you see it yourself. There is nothing in me that is not in you.
I don't want to preach to you. I want tell you stories about my own experiences, and perhaps you'll see something in my story that you can relate to or gain perspective from.
I love you so deeply because of who you already are. I love myself in the same way. I want to guide you with this love that I have for you -- because the best work I can ever do is be a model for love, and to activate self-love in you. I used to think I wanted to be your hero. Now I see that I don't.
This has been a journey and I'm grateful for the teachers along the way. I take full responsibility for the worshipping of them and my own veiled thinking that I was something other than them.
You may or may not be ready to see this. Either way, it's perfect.
And this, from Matt Licada:
"We hear compelling stories about how if we learn how to 'be happy and grateful all the time,' 'manifest everything we want', 'raise our vibration,' and 'discover secrets' about how to change our lives through thinking, that these archaic organizing principles will yield: the charismatic new teacher, the right 'five steps,' the latest 'powerful' technique - that somehow the 'good other' will arrive and dismantle it all, landing us in unending bliss, with no more vulnerability and risk of heartbreak, somehow magically resolving the untamed, groundless terrain of love. But there is no resolution to love. There is no reference point to rest and take refuge in. There is no fixed state. And there is no 'secret.' For love is alive, and a firestorm of unprecedented creativity. There is no technique or five-step method that will ever touch the wild erupting majesty that you are."