I Am Not The Doer

For years, I considered myself a "doer". Not one to rest on my laurels, I am an action taker. Fearlessly taking risks, testing and experimenting -- never afraid to dive into a new challenge. This willingness to get things done has served me well.

I Am Not The Doer

While at a conference led by Father Richard Rohr last week, I was struck by the notion that I'm not actually the "doer". I'm "a" doer, not "the" doer.

Do I exercise free will? Yes. Do I get things done? Mostly. Is it really me doing the doing?  Well, there's the rub.

I do believe I get a choice, and also know that God is directing the entire production called my life. I'm "doing" as an instrument of God's will. What risks have I ever really taken for this miracle in my life?

When I got this -- again-- because of course it's not my first rodeo, I was overcome by an enormous sense of relief. Often, I have felt led to one thing or another, by what used to be a much quieter voice. As I navigate this next half century, I lean more and more into not feeling the need to know all the answers intellectually; rather feeling into them. The inner voice of spirit lives brightly inside me.

I will admit to having far more questions than answers, especially as it relates to my faith and belief in the Christian Jesus story. What I know for certain is there is a life and intelligence greater than me, and that gives me comfort. I am never alone.

I have learned the importance of stillness; the poignant pause that serves me by its' invitation to hear my own heart beating, and speaking. 

At the center of it all, it's grace that I'm always seeking. Grace within my own actions, and grace from the Almighty One who is truly calling all the shots.

How much more of an impact could I make in the world, if I simply relinquished the illusion of control that I've held closely to my entire life? What is possible from the deeply held, undeniable belief that I am NOT the doer?